M: Expectation is even more difficult to conquer than your ego or anger. Expectation – we don’t even know that it exists until it manifests. But anger or ego or other things we can even see, we can see, ‘I am getting egoistic,’ but expectation is much more tricky. Now in relationships especially, when expectation is more than love there is pain, but there is a give and take and there, an associated expectation is a part of the pleasure of the relationship. But, when a person is consistently pulling you down or making you feel miserable because your expectation and the delivery is not matching, it is time for you to detach. It is important because there is a problem in the whole configuration; either it was not supposed to be, or it was a wrong choice. So in that context the best thing to do is to alienate yourself. Probably take some time to look it over if required, you cannot throw it away but, that is not cutting the chord I’m saying; look at it and say, “Okay, this is my experience – consistently it is not up to the expectation or it is not fulfilled or I am not getting fulfilled, then in that case probably I will take a step backwards because also karmically it is so that your path with that person would have ended there, possibly… Or, it was not supposed to be. So either way better, rather than a conflict. I would prefer not a conflict because that gives a scar, it creates a scar in you and that scar, wound takes time to heal; some time lifetimes depending on the depth of the wound. So it is not worth it.
Maintain equilibrium as much as you can. It is not only about that, like infatuation, sometimes you tend to have infatuation about something. If only this material is with me I will be full,complete,happy. This is very common with the new mobile phones because new brands come, new features come and people think, “That is exactly what I was looking for.” But once you buy it, you play with it a little bit and then another one comes. So these kinds of things you can take a step backwards and look at it, “Is that required or I may wait for another year and bring out the next model!”
There are so many insignificant things which are not detrimental in life, this is not as serious as the relationships. Relationships are more tricky because there are other individuals involved. So you have to be more careful and have an objective vision more; the more subjective you are the more vulnerable you are, you have pain. The more objective you are; okay do it, does this make you happy? Please go ahead. Like that you will be able to take a step back, first look at it and then sometimes get involved, sometimes come back. So you maintain your flexibility all the time. This is what I told that woman that ,” See, you can have expectation but always remain flexible so that in need you are able to extract out of that”. So the other person also feels bit more breathing space. It’s not breathing on my neck all the time so that relationship is more free. In a relationship there is nothing right or wrong but many people pin down a person’s movement in a relationship, 80 out of 100 times they jump the wall. Instead, go through the process and finish it off. If you have a particular moment which makes you feel nice or comfortable and it definitely compliments your life, go through the process and settle it, move on. Otherwise, the more restrictions you have, the more tendency will be there to go beyond the dotted lines.
Q: If you consciously move yourself from a relationship which for some reason is not functioning well, is it karmic?
M: It would have ended, most probably it would have ended. That is what is ignorance you see. Sometimes what happens is you may develop an awareness that it is finished but the other person is probably depending on habit. Habitual connection, habitual relationships are very common, more than the actual need for a relationship. Like for example, in animals you can see this distinctly like a cow and a calf, it nurtures the calf to such a level that it is on its own and then the cow pushes it away, “Go away.” Like in humans the relation is different because we are experiencing relativity to relationships. Animal is not so fully. Most of the animals are also enjoying the relationship as the clans as the superiority and groups, but for human beings relativity is put into relationships as a tool of understanding relativity, as a matter for understanding. So that has further dimensions and also society has created a lot of morality which makes people jump the wall. This is another problem. If you just allow people to be natural there will be lesser crimes. But when restrictions are imposed, movements are restricted then the mind works overtime. I am not talking about anarchy. We need to have roots which will put things in place otherwise everybody will do whatever because each person is operating in different consciousness. Every rule may not be understood the same way by a set of people. Some people think like that, they operate in the lowest possible level where consciousness is only that much. Destroy the problem then solution happens, right? But that is not the right way to do! So rules and regulations should be in order, it should be well-kept but at the same time it should not be a blighted or a two-dimensional thing. They should have a vision about why does one person do a particular thing. There is always a reason. A person will not harm anybody unless either he has a tendency to do that, which is again ignorance (these are all understandings) then you need to clear that ignorance; that is important, you have to make them understand that look here same like when you get hurt you have pain, another person has pain.
Your Conviction Takes You Forward
M: You take out any human being’s essential nature, it’ll be love. Whatever is on the top is not the essential nature; whatever is on the top is the acquired nature. You keep a crystal ball here for some time. There will be a lot of dust accumulated on top. The dust is not what it brought. Dust came from the sky or the environment. Like that what we are today has a lot to do with what we have acquired. It is not what we brought forward. What essentially is you is probably much different than what you are expressing or representing now. So I cannot say, “This is you.” This is what you are expressing. But you are something else actually, you will go back to that level. This is the point I am saying. You go back to your nature, your true nature and then your expressions are powerful because this is what you are. The pretensions stops. Pretension is not a calculated pretension, it is an acquired pretension. You have to do it this way because you think the society is like that or whatever you acquired made you pretend like that. But that is not you. That is an expression of you, which is not yours. That should end and you should come back to your nature, your own nature and be real with it, that will happen. Then it’s a different equation. Then you are not the same anymore. You are very powerful. You will be operating in truth with your full elements. Then whether you are living or dead is not a problem. If one day you are living, you have lived that life. This is the difference between Masters and the other people. When a Master lives his life, it is with full intensity. But normal people live with a lot of confusion, lot of doubts, lot of things and they waste their time, they beat around the bush and feel no satisfaction. But when you look at a Master, a true spiritual Master, not the seeming ones who roar but are not representing that. So those who live with intensity, have conviction. What gives you intensity? Conviction gives you intensity. You are sure what you are doing and you are sure where you are going. It gives you intensity because there is no distortion anymore. But if mind is dragging you, mind is operating and mind is giving you suggestions, mind makes you feel what you are, who you are, how you are, how you should be… This is a different ball game, then you are not living intensity, you are living a relative existence. Huge difference. But if you are clear, if you have clarity whether you are good, bad or ugly, or whether you are black or white, doesn’t matter. Your conviction leads you, takes you forward. And that life is full of intensity, otherwise we think we want something or we think we need something or we think we are something that is relative. Many times it is a facade. Most of the times it is an illusion
And that is when we look at illusion with so much of intensity.
But intensity is not like that, 120km road but you push the pedal and the car is going at 240km/hr, that is not a safe driving. When you are actually living in illusion, using intensity is a false speed, there is no speed. It is like false appetite. Your stomach suddenly starts growling and you say I need food. That was acidity, not appetite. Then when you eat what happens, you develop further acidity. So false appetite is not a good idea. The real appetite is a good idea because the digestion happens. This is the difference I am saying. So when you are actually clear about your path and you are living in intensity it takes you forward and there is zero time wasted, there is nothing to waste and you are in absolute awareness. You know this is how it should be, this is what to do. Other people waste your time that is different, but you will not waste your time. You know exactly what to do, who to talk, what is to be done not for any commercial reason, not for any particular selfish interest of your own, just for the sake of a larger good. That is the difference, your personal interest will die. You will only exist for a larger group in which you have to make love or make war, you do. That is the life of Krishna. Look at Krishna’s life. Fully intense! Krishna could have avoided Mahabharta war but He did not do it. Because He said okay this cannot be mended, let it be destroyed. You can’t salvage it, destroy it, then recreate it. Jesus was very clear that He will be crucified because He was directly challenging established priest. Who will accept that? If you look at any priest, even today, if you challenge him in mantras, if they have gun they will shoot you. So crucifixion can happen even now. But He was not afraid. Why He was not afraid? Conviction! He knew what He was doing. His job was to put things straight at any cost and there is no tragedy or comedy in this, just the purpose. Purpose brings you conviction. Purpose brings you in the track. Purpose liberates you otherwise we are just thinking something, we are doing something and we are not getting satisfaction because purpose is not clear. When purpose is liberation everything else is clear. Purpose takes you forward. That is why I always ask the question, “Are you after sensations or are you after God?” If you are after God, forget sensations. Catch Him! Don’t waste time or don’t lose time until you reach God. Because it is not worth it. That is the difference between ‘Shava’, the unconscious and ‘Shiva’, the fully conscious.. Either you remain as unconscious, you think you are this. Let me tell you one thing, in spirituality there is nothing to know. There is no knowledge required. It’s only reveal, understanding of who you are at some point in time. Because you are already that. There is nothing for you to acquire, achieve, from outside. You cannot achieve anything from outside. There is nothing apart from you. But for that understanding to happen, you need to unveil or segregate yourself from all the acquired things, acquired tendencies, acquired emotions, acquired habits, acquired phobias,fears. Once you segregate yourself you start peeling the onion and finally everything is gone then you reach a state where, “I am That.” So it is only revealing yourself or unveiling yourself or whatever you want to call. Basically you are that already. There is nothing a Guru is doing, actually speaking I do not want to disillusion you. A Guru is only helping you to reveal your full potential. There is nothing else a Guru can do. You do any course you like, go to any Guru you like. I am telling you, you try that. What can a Guru give you. Nobody can put you on the shoulder and walk, isn’t it? They can only show you the direction. But what a Guru does is give you clarity so that you shed your non –understanding, you shed your negativities, you shed your phobias, fears, and you say, “Okay, this is me,” and then peace settles in. And the clear sign of spiritual growth is inner silence. Whatever happens outside, perfect shanti, peace inside. Nothing can tilt you and nobody can touch you. Once this is achieved there’s nothing more to achieve. Everything else falls in place. There is no more search anymore. There is nothing to search. What will you search? We are searching outside you see. That time you wasted in searching outside if you had searched inside you would have achieved God already. Whatever we have searched outside, even sensation is outside according to me, because you need a mind to have sensations and mind is outside of me. So mind is also a problem in the path of spirituality. But you need a mind to know whatever you came here for, to experience, to express, this is needed.
AWARENESS is the Key
M: If a new aspect is happening in life that means the old aspect has ended. It is finished. Then the life is taking a new turn. If you resist at that point in time you will have agony because in the whole process, the road map, your covered region, now you cannot say that I want the same experience which I covered. Life is taking a new turn, just go with the flow. Then there is no resistance, there is no agony. Otherwise what happens is at every point in time mind catches on to a repetitive activity and when life changes the activity or life moves on, we feel pain. We say this is not what I wanted, I wanted that. Now that is over, finished! Just like our age, “If only I was 20…” It will never come back. You have to take another life for it. Like that there is no way of looking back and saying, “If only…” That doesn’t make any sense. Like in spirituality especially, because we evolve, same experience will not come back. Same meditation if you practice at least over a year you know how experience has changed. That is because you have moved on, you have taken a different turn. Why I always ask people to practise the same meditation, Power of Purity, for example, because can you stop taking a bath in the morning or whenever you take a bath, “I don’t like to take a bath anymore,” is that possible? People will not come close to you. Just like that, this is internal bathing. You’re taking a bath internally with this meditation, it is purification. You are using water for taking a bath, here you are using ‘prana’ for unhooking, releasing yourself from the events of past, people, places. So how do you substitute it? You have gone through situations, you have gone through places, you have gone through people, experiences. You have to unhook from them to move on. So you can’t have a different meditation each time. You have to go through the same process and repeatedly cleanse and cleanse and cleanse, so that finally you are liberated. It takes time because you have taken time already to reach this level, to this age, so it must take time for you to cleanse as well. And how many lifetimes we have taken, we have no clue, we have no idea. We have probably taken lifetimes to acquire what we have acquired today, including the spiritual experience. It is not that we just landed into this spiritual experience. It has a history, a past, which we may not understand; and need not understand because actually it is only an academic interest to know that you have been with another Guru in the past life. What is the use? That Guru is not there, nor are you there. So it is a new Guru, it is a new system. But the point is that it evolves, it changes but certain things in life you have to continue. Just like the food you consume, you have to consume food, there is no alternative to it. Supplements are only on a certain level but you must eat, right? And like you must take bath at some point in time, every day (or every year) 🙂 So in spirituality it is fundamental to know that change is all about and go with the change. In practical life also, in our physical, daily life also it is good to follow the same path. Just flow with the time or just go with the flow. Then what happens is there is no agony. There is only contentment all the time. See, as a matter of fact this is the only time which is available for you as of now. If you think, “I could have had another set of activities or a different time.” Not possible! Because time goes linear, one o’clock to two o’clock, it goes on like that. You cannot extract anything out of it nor you give anything into it; it just goes, it just flows. So you are here now. Enjoy that point in time that you are here, now. “This is the only reality I have. I cannot have another reality at this point in time.” Finished!
So again as I said, you know, it is good to sit at a reasonable distance from the fire because the fire gives you warmth. But if you are too far away from the fire it makes you cold and also sometimes helpless. So truth is the same. Truth and Master and God are one. God is equal to Truth. You don’t have to look at God as the form. He is all over, every form is God. So if you say, “This form is God”, that might be a lie. Every form is God. Every being is God. So Truth is like that. Everything has a truth but we are so addicted to relative truths, you know, in relation to something we are looking. Likewise, mind for example, mind is creating things, mind is creating phobias, mind is creating doubts, criticism, suspicion, mind is creating restlessness, mind is creating uncertainty – all is created by the mind. Minus the mind – it is a completely different world! Totally different world! But it is not easy to minus the mind just like that. It is not like we choose to remove the chip. But you have to constantly observe it and make it insignificant. How do you make it insignificant? You observe it,”Okay, mind is playing, let me watch the show. Each emotion it brings – let me watch it; I am enjoying it.” And the moment you start enjoying the show then mind loses interest in you. You are not getting affected. So if you are not getting affected then the mind’s play reduces. That brings you more power. So the difference between a powerful personality and a weak personality is the element of the influence of the mind in the personality. If the personality is more and more powerful that means the mind is in control. There are some scriptures which say, “There is only one conquest that you can actually do or need to do in one lifetime, is the conquest of the mind.” But again, mind can never be conquered. Mind brings forth various desires, various restlessness, various feelings, various emotions; allow it to happen. At the same time, don’t bind to it.
Recently I was communicating about relationships. One person had asked, “Why am I having so much of pain?” I said because you are expecting too much. “So I am expecting from my husband, what’s wrong with it?” I said nothing is wrong with it but you are not getting it, that is the wrong. You know your expectation is alright but nothing is happening. If nothing is wrong with it there should not be any pain, right? So pleasure is not happening means there is a problem. And what is the problem? Expectation is the problem. “So it’s only natural to expect from your husband”, I said, “Very good! But don’t be dependent on it. Make that expectation flexible. If he does it or not does it, it is okay. Then there is no problem. Have your expectation if you really want to have that, but dependency should be reduced.”
Dependency on the expectation always pins you to that situation. You may actually get succumbed to it and it can totally disillusion you. It can make you weak. It can make you vulnerable. It can make you depressed. This is all related to expectation. At the same time it is human nature to expect. Please do! But again, keep it flexible. Keep it fluid. Keep it as independent as you can. Means, if a thing is available or not available, if situation is available or not available, food is available or not available, it is okay! We can manage. That way you are freeing yourself further and further. And that brings power. That brings a lot of strength because self-reliance becomes important. You are actually becoming self-reliant because this is the only thing possible. And that understating happens sometimes through trial and error but more through awareness. Awareness that this is passing away. I am depending too much on another personality, another individual, who has his agenda. He is born free. He is born alone and he is dying alone and I may not be with him all through. So, I have to leave him with his cup of tea, with his Karma, with his baggage. And I need to be left alone as well, with my baggage, because I am born alone and I will die alone. In between we have connected at various points in time – that is okay. We are going together anyway. We are going to one destination, we share the care. This is okay. But the moment when the ownership starts then the problem starts. So it’s all interconnected. The point is freedom. How to maintain freedom is to be self-reliant more. How to be self-reliant? Through awareness. Awareness is the key. Awareness is the most important thing. Be aware of every emotion if yours, every anxiety of yours, every uncertainty of yours, every aspect of love of yours.
There is nothing right or wrong in life. Absolutely! Because somebody’s wrong is somebody’s right. And it is always in relative terms. That is why I say we do not know or accept or understand absolute truth. We only understand or accept or play in relative truth. This is our bottom line. We are only used to relative truth. This is the problem. So when somebody says absolute truth we crucify them because we don’t understand what he is talking about. When somebody says time is still; there is no past, present or future, we put him in asylum.
Awareness is important to overcome or to understand or to see from above the reality, the truth. So when you are absolutely focused on the truth all the time, all relative truths will have their particular level of glow or shine. Like this lamp has a particular glow. It cannot enhance it to another level. That is its nature. In comparison to the light it has a lesser glow in relationship to something else. Otherwise it is absolute. If you do not compare one with another, it is absolute. But in comparison, this to another, it has a relative relevance. So if you look at life in that angle, even your emotion, is it relevant at all? I am getting angry with you, but what for? Is it relevant at all? Then what happens is that gets diluted. I am having a doubt now. Is that doubt relevant? As a question yes, but after the answer has happened or the question is clarified that doubt is dissolved. So again it was relative. It was a bubble which was in the air for sometime then it merged back into the old form. Even our life is like that. We are projected into the scene for some time, once the job is over, we are dissolved back. Recycled. We are fully recyclable. This is our advantage. But we still maintain some hard parts which take time to recycle. So we take new births. We keep coming back to finish off the hard grudges, the hard desires. But otherwise if you look, we are fine. We are flowing. There is no blockage. There is no obstacle. There is a flow. And this is the difference in the consciousness we are talking about between a totally ignorant man and a completely enlightened man. The difference is in the awareness. Physical body has no difference. What is the difference between your body and my body? Both are perishable. Nothing. No difference. It is vulnerable for changes, old age, all the weaknesses and strengths of the body that every body has, all people. So it does not matter if the costume is different or the form is different or the shape is different, the communication is different, no difference. But consciousness is where the difference is. That makes the difference in the world. A person with a very low consciousness will be greedy, angry, spiteful, will be moving around destroying things because he is not aware. And a person who is existing always on an unconscious plane, a plane of repetitive action, without any thought, without the mind on it, like you are repetitively doing things every day, without actually thinking about it, even if it is a murder or a person who is abusing alcohol, anything you take, that is because the unconscious activity has taken over. There is no time for the conscious mind to properly put its thought on an activity, “Is this activity relevant? Is this making me happy?” By default you are having alcohol, imagine! So it has already become a habit and that habit has created a particular process in you. And the constitution has decided that this man needs to have alcohol and you are repeatedly drinking it. There is no way you can extract it unless you put your attention to it and say that at this point in time I am consuming this drink. But this drink is not me, nor am I the drink. The drink is probably complementing me, my stature, or my structure or contradicting it. It can be either complementing or contradicting; and until that analysis happens there is no way you can have a change in you. Nobody has to change you. We were discussing yesterday, there was a question – who is the greatest teacher you can ever have? My point is still it is life. Nobody can teach you better than life. A Guru or a guide or a text book or information can only be an external thing, still, because it can go in only if you allow it to go in. And also it can be digested only if you have the capacity to digest. Like, you can have a table full of food. How much can your stomach take that is only thing you can digest; even not as much as your stomach gets it. Two-thirds of what the stomach contains can only be digested; one-third has to be left alone for the cycle to operate. But because we eat in a particular way – with a little bit of gravy, little bit of rice, little bit of fear, insecurity, uncertainty – we fill up more than the size of the stomach until here (the throat). And then there is no way to digest. So the food is wasted. Just like that, any information, any knowledge, any aspect of existence – if it is too much to handle, it goes wasted. It has to be like that. This is the way life operates.
So coming back to the same point, we are vulnerable beings. So let us be aware of that. There are millions of sense objects in the world. To understand them we have been given five senses. And when the mind is with one of those senses, we are able to enjoy. This is the truth of our existence. There is nothing called multi tasking; it is the repeated operation of the same thing. You are tuned to that activity. So you try to do it fast. Mind is not present at all during that kind of activity. But what I am talking about is actual living not existing. Existing – you can do multi tasking; mind is not needed. You are going through the process, the day is finished, you sleep. But when you are living you should enjoy each moment. Whether it is positive or negative, be here now. And when your eyes are looking at something mind should be at the same place. In Martial Arts they say, where your eyes go, the mind should go; where your eyes go, your arms should go and your mind should be with it otherwise you cannot win an opponent. Like that it goes. If that is not there, mind is elsewhere, eye is elsewhere, hand is elsewhere, somebody will beat you up if you are having a duel in Martial Arts. So, same thing – what you can enjoy at one point in time is one thing, not at all two things because time is linear. Then it becomes the next minute. Then you can enjoy something else. That is okay. We are talking about the absolute time; the time that you have in your hand. So this is the only point in time you have in hand. Next moment happens-that time you have. Then it’s another time. Like that it goes. In between the more confused you are, the lesser you enjoy. The weaker you are. So clarity is important. And to have clarity you should be able to digest the knowledge that you acquire. Once you digest, it goes into the bloodstream. The bloodstream is life. So it should be visible in the life. Otherwise we can say I have been with numerous teachers, numerous books, but I am still the same.
Transcribed by Neeti Nagpal Roy