Q&A – How do we best raise our children in these difficult times?

Mohanji: Welcome to Mohanji Speaks. These are answers to questions from listeners. Thank you for sending them, keep sending them. I will try to answer them as best as I can.

Speaker: This question is about parenting small children, especially in the current times. The question really centers around, how do we keep spirits alive and help them realize the beauty and goodness in the world, despite having to constantly remind them not to hug others, not to touch articles outside, not to meet friends? And for this person, it’s breaking the heart to see the child indoors, alone at home.

Mohanji: The question is about how to bring the children up the way you expect them to be. First and foremost, every child born in the world is the responsibility of society, not only the parents. First of all, try to get your ownership away from children. When you do not have ownership, then you have a better connection. When you have ownership, you have flavored connection. You own the person. This is my child. I want this child to be like this, etc.

You have to gently bring them to this awareness of how they should be in the world, and you have to lead by example. You cannot avoid the pressure or the presence of the society from the lives of your children. Not even you. That presence and pressure will affect everybody; in a good way or a bad way. Do we have any control over our children? They came through us; that’s okay. But they don’t belong to us. Every child belongs to only themselves. They don’t even belong to the society; but it’s the responsibility of the society, which is a conglomeration to take care of each child. And what we have in the society, what is the mental structure, collective consciousness; that’s reflected in each child of the society – every child.

Parents, teachers, society, if you take all these three, the highest and the most important in the society; then comes parents and then come teachers. All these aspects have to be equally understood. A child is a complete character. A child comes to this world with a character, a constitution, a particular inclination, tendency, and a set of desires. It’s obviously not the same for everyone; each person has their inclinations, tendencies, likes and dislikes, desires, all distinct, even in the same family. What contaminates a relationship is the ownership and what enriches a relationship is freedom.

Freedom is the best message you can actually deliver to a child with your own life. Freedom is not freedom of the senses and mind; it’s freedom from the senses and mind. If you live that in your own household, and if you demonstrate that on an everyday basis, not as a teaching, but as a lifestyle, children will pick it up. If we demonstrate the power of compassion, kindness, unconditional love, selflessness, caring, sharing, every day; and bring your children along with you while you demonstrate it in your own life; not to teach them but to show them that this makes heaven on Earth. Then the child will start connecting to it at some point in time, even if they get influenced by the bad effects of the society for some time, they will have this in the back of their mind that there is a possibility of heaven on Earth. This is within us. We have that power; we have that means and stability to bring forth. So, this is the thing, when we talk to a child, don’t try to give them lessons, instead, try to give them awareness. The best way to give them awareness is through the life stories of great Masters. When I say Masters, do not think they are saints or spiritual people; Masters is somebody who has exercised their purpose against all odds and found success.

Again, as I say, according to me, success means the contentment factor; satisfaction over life. Every moment satisfaction, not like a satisfaction at the time of death, or to the latest stage of life, not like that. For me, contentment is much more important than possessions and positions. For me, richness means contented life. This is real richness; having a contented life is real richness for me. It’s not about what I have. It’s about how I perceive life, how I accept life, how I live my life. Even if you have billions, you can only have one breakfast, one lunch and one dinner; you can only sleep in one bed. You can have any amount of luxury but how would you use it? So, contentment factor is not connected to materials; it’s not connected to relationships. We change relationships quite often to find the right relationship; but mostly we are not contented. It is not about changing relationships; it’s not searching outside, it’s searching inside. You search inside and find yourself. You are contented, and that gives contentment to everything outside.

These are fundamental things which we can guide children into with our own life, not through teachings, not through messages, not through punishments. I hate punishing children; there’s no need to do that. Instead, you can live a great life and show this to children. For a small child, the father and the mother are great personalities. They admire them, they should admire them with their own lifestyle. And don’t ridicule or gossip or talk bad about any spouse in front of the children. When you say that “Your father is not good”, or when the father says “The mother is not good”, the child develops conflict within. The child doesn’t understand; he feels that there is a betrayal going on here. (Not exactly in those words but that’s the effect) A child looks at a relationship, in terms of love, (a small child) hug, love, feeling, kissing, very much understood; but disparities, enmities, revenge, not understood. And if a child grows up seeing that; how can you expect a better society? So, it’s important!

A child is the responsibility of everybody, the society, as well as the parents as well as the teachers, in a different order. When we consistently show compassion, kindness, love, the child will be stabilized in that. By the time the child is five or six, he would have established himself in love. And he will not choose any other option because there’s no better option than love. So, this is the point, when a child comes up in love, basking in love, swimming in love, filled in love; he will not express anger, hatred and jealousy, in the world outside. Even he would probably transform the world with love. And this possibility is always there.

So how do you groom your children? Very simple, you have to lead by example. You have to be love, you should never pretend, no hypocrisy because children catch it very fast. You got to live it yesterday, today, tomorrow, day after; that means, every day, live the same thing; love, compassion, kindness. And always understand that discrimination of any kind, including racism, speciesism, and all kinds of ‘isms’ which discriminates people and beings and every creation; is not understood by a small child. They don’t see the life that way. But as we grow up with our conditionings, we start looking at things in that way. So, don’t bring this to children. You should live a life beyond every ‘isms’; beyond man-made barriers that will give stability to a child.

We need a society rooted in absolute compassion. We need a society away from corruption, selfishness. We need a society rooted in selflessness. “How can I help you?”, should be the question. “Can I help you? How else can I help you? How else can I serve you?” This should be the question, and let the child see you performing this all the time. And the child will transform itself into a powerful personality, filled with compassion, with kindness and love. This is the best thing you can give to the world – great child, a great son or daughter rooted in compassion, kindness and love, with the ability to transform the society with it. There is nothing more powerful than love. And here, you are creating legends, great personalities. You have the capacity, every parent has the capacity. Do not restrict the children, do not bind them. Instead, give them freedom; as I said, again, freedom is not freedom of senses; it’s freedom from senses, and give contentment, with what you have. Love as you are, and leave the world better, much higher than you got the world from the past.

Thank you for listening to this podcast. Do contemplate on it, do discuss with your friends, and let me know what you feel. If you have further questions, do send them to me.

Thank you. This is Mohanji for you.

 

Transcribed by Ulla Bernholdt

Proofread by Padmini Ravikumar

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Q&A – Is it possible to be totally unselfish?

Mohanji: Dear friends, welcome to Mohanji Speaks. These are answers to questions from listeners. Thank you for sending them. Keep sending them. I will try to answer them as best as I can.

Speaker: This question comes from a listener who asks, “How to be totally unselfish?” So, on the face of it, for him or her, people may think that they’re quite unselfish, but deep down, they know that this isn’t 100% true. The heart cannot even feel 100% gratitude or 100% love. So, it’s not total. What can be done to correct the situation?

Mohanji: Nobody is unselfish. We all are selfish in an absolute sense. But in daily life, we can choose to be selfless, that’s our choice. Why did I say that we are all selfish? Only one main reason, because we are karmic beings. What is karma? Primarily, unfulfilled desires. Unfulfilled desires mean desires which seek fulfillment. That means it’s selfish pleasures or selfish fulfilment, contentment, completion. In that context, all of us are selfish, right from childhood. From birth, till death, we are pursuing the completion of our own unfulfilled desires. So, when you look at this, every moment, it’s our satisfaction, our gratification, whatever the activity is. It could be any kind of desire; minor, major, small, big, easy to fulfill, difficult to fulfill, any type of desire, you name it. But it’s all for personal gratification. Where is contentment? Inside us. Where is satisfaction? Inside us. Where is happiness? Inside us. Where is joy, bliss? Everything is inside us. It’s our satisfaction, it’s our gratification. That means we are selfish.

Then, there is this exaggerated version of selfishness, that is connected to things outside of us. Our need for things which are not ours, by merit. It means, we have a desire but we do not often deserve it. What comes to us is what we deserve not all that we desire. What we desire may happen at that time or may not happen as per our eligibility. Sometimes, what we desire happens immediately or sometimes in space and time, much later. A desire, if it is strong enough, if it cannot be fulfilled becomes a pending desire. And that’s the ingredient for further existence.

How can we change the selfishness which we display in the world outside? We can change the way we look at the world. We look at whatever is outside of us, as outside, even if that thing comes in our life or does not come in our life. End of the day, it’s only about a certain set of experience, regarding that object, regarding that person or in association with that person or situation.

Summing up, our life is a bundle of experiences of various levels, various times, various situations. Experiences are the essence of our existence. When we realize or when our awareness grows beyond the selfish feelings of ownership, we understand that end of the day it’s only experience. Like for example, you’ve got to have a place to stay, you need a place to stay, whether it’s a rented house, or it’s your own house. It really doesn’t make a difference as long as you are comfortable, you’re okay. A good place to stay is good enough. But the mind will definitely tell, “No, no, no, but you don’t own it, so you should own it. What if somebody asks you to leave.” Okay, those kinds of things, yes. But finally, when it all boils down, it’s your experience of being in one place or having the shelter. So, this is the way we can look at everything in life. You’re hungry; you have food. What food comes is not important. Did you like the food? If the experience is good, you should accept it.

Like that, if you look at life, narrow it down to the necessity level in terms of experience, then you should be okay. That takes you off the selfish attitude, “I must have it all. I should have better than other people.” Then the competition, the comparison, all those things will not happen; provided you’re happy, you’re contented. That doesn’t mean that you are lethargic. That’s not the point here. It’s not lethargy, it’s not that you don’t do anything at all and think that everything will fall on your lap, it won’t happen that way. But we need to work hard with full awareness, keeping the awareness intact. We should be fully aware, that we are only experiencing life here. We are not owning anything, we can’t own anything permanently. Awareness is the best antidote to tackle selfishness. And compulsive acts of selflessness totally takes it away, eradicates it.

Thank you for listening to this podcast. Contemplate on it. Do discuss with your friends. And let me know what you feel. If you have further questions do send them to me. Thank you.

This is Mohanji for you.

Transcribed by Ulla Bernholdt

Proofread by Rekha Murali

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We are the World

Hello, my friends, welcome to another episode of Mohanji Speaks. I hope you have enjoyed the previous episodes and hope you have discussed them with your friends. Probably some clarity would have happened inside. That was the intention.

Now, here we talk about a new thought. This is the thought that many of us have asked ourselves. What is this world? Who are we? What am I? All these things. The point that we would like to discuss here today is, we are the world. The world is us. I’ll explain.

There are numerous expressions on Earth. All the human beings, all the species, Nature, the plants, the trees, the animals, the birds, the water, the air, the sun, the moon, and all the things that we see around are expressions. All these put together is the variety of life. We are also an integral part of that, we as human beings, as a species, and we as individuals. We are all an integral part of this whole existence. This is what we are talking about today. Who is the world? What is the world? We are the world.

We all have a role to play. This role that we play must be with full awareness, or this role must be understood with full awareness. If we don’t understand this role clearly, we are almost operating in an unconscious mode. I think many of us agree with that. We wake up in the morning and we don’t know what to do. We do so many things mostly in an unconscious way, we do so many things just because we like to do it, or we are habitually doing it. It’s habitual, not that we really wanted to do that thing. We are habituated to have coffee in the morning or tea in the morning. We are habituated to have breakfast. These are all habits. If you take our whole life, we are mostly run by habits; that means subconscious. How much is the conscious mind at work? Very little. Because we are often not even aware of our activity, we are doing it in an unconscious mode, because we are used to it. Habits mean unconsciously, more or less, almost mechanically doing it. Multitasking is almost like unconscious because when you’re thorough with something you don’t have to really focus on it, you can multitask. But when you really have to focus on each action, you can’t, you can only do one thing. That’s the real work, that’s a real thing. A cluster of these activities put together is what we call life.

When we look at the whole world, when we understand the world, when we feel the world, we must also remember; we are the world, and our contribution is very important. Many people live and die; we don’t even know them. There are 7.5 billion people, many, many faces, many countries, many people, many types of people, but they’re all the same. We don’t even see them. We don’t recognize most of the people, we don’t see them. We recognize very few people in the world. And these people whom we recognize, whom we can call successful people or people who are known – they have invested themselves or invested in cleansing themselves or cleaning themselves to remove the clutter, and they have focused on an activity, which is close to their heart. And they’ve invested in an activity.

When you invest in an activity, you should believe in it, otherwise, it doesn’t work. When you’re sure about an activity, it can be a profession, it can be an idea, it can be a concept – whatever you believe in, invest yourself totally. In 2003 when the newspaper people asked me, what’s your investment in Ammucare, I said, “Myself.” There’s only one thing you can really invest, yourself. And if you invest yourself totally with conviction, there’s no way failure can happen because Nature helps you. Nature LOVES people who have conviction. Most of us do not have conviction in our actions. If we have no conviction in the action, actions become so weak that they do not get the required result. In order to be successful in life, in order to express yourself in the world, in order for you to become the world to people, you’ve got to invest yourself. There’s no other way. Investing yourself is the best investment. But then you should believe in what you do otherwise it will all be vague. You should believe in what you do and invest yourself totally, and then you can see that you are actually progressing. Otherwise, we are procrastinating. Most of us do not go forward or we have disappointments because we have not invested ourselves in it.

Have we put ourselves fully in our actions? Have we really put ourselves in our actions, in our thoughts, in our expressions? If yes, success is just around the corner, for sure. Don’t worry about planetary positions; don’t worry about the likes and dislikes of the people around you. People may call you crazy, people may call you mad. People may agree with you, disagree with you, it doesn’t matter if you are sure about the activity that you’re doing. If you have full conviction over your actions, then nobody can stop you, you become a powerhouse. So that’s the real expression that makes you the world for a lot of people.

I’m leaving this thought on your plate. What is the world? We are the world! We decide how the world should be. Let us decide that the world should be harmonious. The world should have one religion, humanity. The best religion for the whole world of human beings is humanity. Humanity also means all-encompassing kindness, compassion, unconditional love, and selflessness towards all the beings of the Earth. All beings are the same on Earth. For Nature, for Mother Earth, there are no differences between beings; they are all using certain faculties of Mother Earth for their own gratifications as we do. So, we have no right to control, capture, manipulate, and destroy, anybody or any species, period. We must understand that all the species on Earth are interdependent and not for humans’ sake. That’s a very, very wrong thought – that this entire world is for us, one species; absolutely not. It’s for every species; we are all the same in the eyes of Nature.

So, harmony, humanity, nonviolence, these are the qualities which we would like to deliver into this world, as perfect human beings, as quality human beings, as powerful human beings. And that’s why we talk about getting up early in the morning as the Ayurveda says. Between 9 pm and 12 midnight, the body repairs itself. That means we must sleep at that time. The body needs sleep to repair itself. Between 9 pm to 12 is the right time to sleep for the sake of the body, the body repairs itself. Between 3 am to 6 am is the time when the mind repairs itself. So this is the time when you should get up. And you should feed the mind with good thoughts. When we do that, in that manner, we will see that the Earth is also better because we are healthy, we are balanced, and we give that balance to the Earth, to Mother Nature.

I leave you with these thoughts. Think it over, discuss it, share it with your friends. And let’s come out with something beautiful. Let’s nurture it, let’s perfect it.

I’m always with you and I love you. This is Mohanji.

Transcribed by Ulla Bernholdt

Proofread by Shyama Jeyaseelan

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World Environment Day. Be sensitive. Be loving.

My dear friends.

Today, I feel very sad, disappointed. A wild elephant walked into human habitat in search of food. Why does an elephant come into a human territory for food? Because there is no food in the forest. We have encroached into the forest, which belongs to wild animals, and we have made farms for our sake. The elephant that wandered in was alone, lonely, hungry. And she was pregnant. The human breed fed that elephant with a pineapple laden with explosives. The hungry elephant ate that pineapple, which exploded in her mouth. Acute agony, pain and disappointment. The elephant trusted people. She thought they genuinely cared because they gave her food. But the elephant did not understand the treachery, the betrayal of our species, it was badly hurt. It had a baby in its womb. It had to protect the baby. But it knew that it cannot eat food, it’s mouth is totally destroyed. It walked into a river, immersed itself in it, probably to appease the pain, and it died there. The elephant left the body, the soul left the body, it died. Who’s responsible?

 

We are responsible. What each person of the species does, the whole species is responsible. We are responsible for our insensitivity. The basic cause is hunger. The driving force is hunger. We have insensitively expanded our territories. We have encroached into every sphere; dividers, huge dividers, impregnable dividers. The beings of nature have one simple need: appeasing hunger.

The human greed has wiped out many species on earth. It is still wiping out many species on Earth. Today, it’s World Environment Day. There is no food in forests, there are no forests, so many forests are burned all over the world to create farms; to bring agony and suffering to every species. Human greed, human insensitivity; man is everywhere. 7.5 billion people, 7.5 billion hungry mouths, we are everywhere. Our life has become a spelling mistake. We have lost balance, we have degenerated. When we kill indiscriminately, it’s a sign of sheer degeneracy, it’s not the sign of refinement.

The sign of refinement is compassion, the sign of refinement is nurturing and caring, the sign of refinement is being sensitive to every being around us. Human insensitivity is choking people to death. Human insensitivity is blasting animals to death. Human insensitivity is waging wars. Human insensitivity is releasing viruses into the air, human insensitivity is destroying our own species. When the whole environment is destroyed, what will we do? How will we live? We are creating our own grave. Insensitivity has a huge price. It must not forget that.

In the same state of Kerala, a while ago, a poor, tribal, hungry man stole some food from the village because he was hungry. He was caught and beaten to death. The only reason why he stole some food was that he was hungry. We brand people as thieves. We brand people in the name of colour, caste, country. We brand people and kill them. Our insensitivity has no boundaries.

In mind, we have many boundaries, many barriers, we do not people if they are not like us. We do not like species if they are not useful to us. We breed to kill for our own taste, for our own selfish pleasure. We have a huge price to pay for our sensitivity. We, as a species has to pay a huge price. We cheat, we steal, we betray our own species. We have polluted the environment. We have made gadgets to torture, to kill every species. We have sophisticated machines; war machines, equipment that destroys. A refined generation will never do this. We call ourselves refined and we encroach and disturb families. We take children away from mothers in factory farms.

We wreak havoc in the life of everything. We wreak havoc in the life of all beings, and we call ourselves refined. We sit in air-conditioned offices, we sit in air-conditioned spaces and discuss nature, preservation, nurturing nature, but we do nothing about it. We plant trees, but we don’t nurture them; hypocrisy, insensitivity, human greed, there is a price to pay. There is a price huge price. When we continue to be insensitive, nature strikes back. Nature has put us in confinement by releasing a virus; an invisible virus to tackle a bigger virus called human beings.

Today, I may sound bitter and angry; that’s because time and again, we have spoken about the necessity of being nonviolent. Time and again, I have told Ahimsa, non-violence is necessary for our lives; for the sake of the world, for the sake of the next generations, for the sake of the future of Earth, but we do not understand. We are not understanding. We are not listening. We are still going to supermarkets and buying the dead bodies of babies, small babies of various species. And we believe this is okay. It is definitely not okay.

Every being has the same right to live on Earth. Human beings are not special. We are just one species on Earth. We cannot betray any other species; we cannot betray our own species. We can’t kill people of any species; we have no right. If we have to show our supremacy, it should be with compassion. If we consider human beings as more refined, it has to be through kindness, selflessness, unconditional love, sensitivity. Let there be a better world. We have to repent. We have to seek forgiveness from nature for our insensitivity. We have to educate the new generation, the coming generation, the importance of being sensitive and loving.

I leave you with this thought.

Lots of love. This is Mohanji.

 

Transcribed by Ulla Bernholdt

Proofread by Rekha Murali

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Effective Years

 

Imagine we live about 80 years, about 29,000 days. Most of our time, on Earth, we spend on personal preferences and personal likes and dislikes. We do not really spend time for the sake of the world. For me, effective life is the time that you spend for the sake of the world. About 90% of the people of the world only live for themselves; eat, drink, sleep, complain, that is the kind of pattern. Otherwise, you can see the usual pattern; a child is born, goes through education, gets a job, gets married, builds a house, settles down, has children, later they have children, and so on. It is the usual cycle of life, the usual pattern. At no point in time, do we ever think, “Is this exactly what you want to do in life?” To cover it up, rather to have some difference in this pattern, we go for addictions, we develop some habits, and those habits become addictions. And then we feel comfortable because we have a diversion from this usual pattern. But that’s again, negative, you’re not doing anything (positive). You’re just getting stuck in this run of life.

So I would call effective years as the years when you existed selflessly, that means, when you lived your life selflessly, for the sake of the world. So when you wake up, you wake up with gratitude that you’re born here and are alive; you will feel good. “It’s good, I’m alive. Let me do something for the earth.” That itself will provoke you to do the right things. When I say right things, I mean something that is unselfish. At no point in time, does anyone tell us that everything you get from here, you have to leave behind.  Including your body, everything has to be left behind. You can carry nothing when you die; not even a pebble can be taken from the earth, everything is left behind. If that clarity is there, you will be more and more interested in doing something for the world. That will earn you much more grace, much more spiritual revenue with much spiritual energy, revenue, Grace. That’s worth it.

When you live selflessly, it is worth it. When you go to a Master or God or temple or church, what do we ask for? We ask for something that we don’t have. We decide that we need these things to be happy. We always complain, what I have is not good enough. We need more. We need something different. We are always in that mode. We hardly appreciate that we are breathing, that we are living, our stomach is working well; we have food to eat and a place to sleep. We hardly think about these faculties and factors. We just live our life. And then at some point in time we wonder, “What am I doing here?” Then, come disappointments, and behind every disappointment, there is an expectation. We expect too much from the Earth. But we don’t give anything back. So according to me, the effective years period is a time when you needed nothing from here, and  you decided to give everything to the Earth.

Jesus had about eight effective years. That is what created Christianity. The intensity of those eight years created a religion. If you look at Shirdi Sai Baba, almost his entire existence was effective. He hardly did anything for himself. You can see various masters in India, who wanted nothing from here, but gave everything to the existence, to the world. This is effective years. So if you start looking at the effective years of your life, or even effective hours of your life, it will make a big difference in your life. You will stop asking for anything. When you stop asking, you do not entertain poverty consciousness. Whenever you ask for something, you are saying that you lack it, you don’t have something.

Whenever you repeat that you don’t have something, you are expressing poverty, lack of something. Instead what will you say – “Thank you, I’m grateful. Thank you for allowing this existence. Thank you for the incarnation. Grateful, I’m being used for something.” So everything that you will say will be positive and purposeful.

On another note, where does the inspiration come from, against adversities? If it is a selfish desire, if it is something for you, it is something like cats and dogs; we see how they are always trying to snatch something from somewhere. In fact, whatever you’re eligible for, will come to you , because you earned it. This is the truth. The truth is that whatever you’re eligible for will come to you. Whatever you’re not eligible for, cannot come to you because you can’t handle it. So we think that we need all these different things. And largely, our lack of peace is connected to these desires. We pitch our desire, based on what we see around, all the time.

If you only think about your needs, all of you will be satisfied, in fact all of us will be satisfied. Food, clothing, shelter, medicines, healthcare, these are all fine. That’s not where our dissatisfaction sits. Our dissatisfaction usually sits on something which is in another person’s hands. We are asking for something that we don’t have. And we believe that this is exactly what we need. You see the queue in front of mobile phone shops, when they release a new model. After you buy it, how many days you will be happy with it? After a few days, you’re waiting for the next model. So that is our level of fulfillment, fulfillment quotient. In contrast we are happy with what we have, and we decide to give whatever we can to society.  I always say this, if you really think you’re a citizen of a country, only look at how much you’re giving to the country; not what you’re taking from the country. We talk about rights all the time – it’s our right, we should have this, and we should have that. But we never talk about responsibilities.

Passion comes with purpose. Passion means the power of action. It becomes solidified. A solid purpose gives solid motivation. If you are clear in your life with what you want to do, you will be motivated, and you don’t need anybody else’s motivation. Even if people go against you and speak poorly about you, it’s their opinion. They are just opinions. You may have nothing to do with it. You will still be motivated. And that motivation is what drives all these masters. That’s what creates legacy.

Self-motivation – self-motivation should begin with self-acceptance. We should accept ourselves fundamentally, as a pure and simple incarnation. Maybe we have a lot of good in us or we have a lot of bad in us. All are mixtures. Nobody’s perfect. We can be good and we can be bad. There’s no problem. It’s fine. And then your purposefulness will shine forth and you will have a passionate life, a life of power.

So effective years are very important.

If you look at your effective years, you will start understanding that you are unique. Otherwise, you will never know that you are unique. You may not feel it. You may not feel you are unique, because you are trying to be one of the lot, be one with this society, trying to become exceptional in the society and society usually looks at how much money you have or what’s your position in the society. But if you keep giving to the society, sooner or later, society has to recognize you. Society will recognize. They have to recognize. Glory happens when you give more than you take.

Transcribed by Kishore Mundanat
Proofread by Vidya Rajagopalan